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How Shall I Tell a Child About the Death of a Family Member?

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Adrienne Crew

Adrienne is Qualified Counsellor and Psychotherapist based in Wetherby and Leeds

It is important to be honest and open from the start. It is easy, especially with an older child, to underestimate their depth of feeling, their ability to conceal it (often to protect their parents and loved ones) and their unexpressed need for detailed information about what happened.

Very young children may not understand that death is irreversible.Use simple words that your child understands and encourage them to talk and ask questions.Your child may ask the same questions over and over again. Listen seriously to their questions, even if they seem trivial, and try to answer them honestly and consistently.Children may not take everything in at first, so be prepared to tell the story of what happened many times, as this helps them come to terms with their loss.

Children may worry that you may leave them too. Reassure them that you will not and tell them clearly about times when you will be away from them and when you will come back.

Lastly don’t be afraid to let your child see you grieving. This will let them know that it is natural to cry and express how they feel.

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